Living the Questions
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
– Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Inspired by James Hollis’ book, In This Journey We Call Our Life, I’ve been reflecting on this question: By what truths do I live my life? It’s a big question - one that can feel urgent, overwhelming, or even impossible to answer.
For many of us who process deeply, especially those navigating stress, anxiety, or neurodivergence, the pressure to “figure it out” can spiral into overthinking and self-doubt. But what if we approached this question differently? What if, instead of trying to define our truths all at once, we lived the question?
Living the Question Instead of Forcing the Answer
Rilke’s well-known advice - “Try to love the questions themselves... perhaps you will live along some distant day into the answer” - feels like a direct response to Hollis’ question. Instead of forcing clarity, what if we allowed our truths to emerge over time?
For those of us who are neurodivergent, this shift is especially important. Many of us have internalized other people’s truths - about success, identity, productivity, or how we’re “supposed” to be. We might have spent years masking, adapting, or searching for the “right” way to exist. But if we never pause to ask what actually feels true to us, we end up living someone else’s answers.
Stress, Anxiety & the Urgency of Knowing
Uncertainty can feel unbearable when stress and anxiety take over. The brain wants certainty - it craves structure, patterns, and closure. We sometimes feel like we must figure out who we are, what we believe, or what to do next right now.
But truth isn’t a fixed destination - it’s something we live into.
What if the pressure to know everything right now is actually keeping us from finding what we need?
A Self-Therapy Practice for Living the Questions
Instead of forcing answers, we can practice holding space for uncertainty while still moving forward. Here are a few ways to engage with this idea:
Notice the old truths you’ve been living by. Where did they come from? Do they still fit?
Let go of the need for immediate clarity. Trust that understanding will come in its own time.
Engage with curiosity instead of fear. Ask: What happens when I allow a question to remain open?
Journal Prompts for Reflection:
What truths have I been living by that may not actually be mine?
How does it feel to hold uncertainty without immediately trying to resolve it?
If I were to live into the question, what small actions might I take today?